So I went to the doctor yesterday to follow up on my new antidepressants. I have been feeling very suicidal recently and my counselor encouraged me to be open and honest with my doctor. So I was. She already knew about the sexual assault that happened to me in May 2013, but she did not know about the sexual abuse I faced for two years in junior high. So I told her about it. The doctor then said that she knew it was not my fault, but some people search for abusive relationships and wondered if that’s what happened in these cases. I was never in a relationship with either of the guys, and I would never stay with a guy that was abusing me. I had to explain in detail what happened in both situations for her to understand, and I still do not think she 100% believed what I was saying because I know that it’s hard to imagine that something like that actually happened without someone noticing. At the end of the appointment she told me that what happened to me was in no way my fault, and I wasn’t to blame. (I’ve heard that before.) Then why is everything that came out of your mouth make me feel like it was my fault? Like I somehow brought this on myself. What did I do wrong? I can’t figure this out.